"The way a thing starts, is the way it will go, and the way it will end." -Venus Andrecht
I absolutely love that saying. Venus Andrecht is an intuitive reader who has a down-home, motherly way about her. She's that scolding but loving mother we all know and love. I'm not sure she actually thought up that saying herself, but the first time I heard it, she was the one who had spoken it, so I credited her with it.
But, it struck such a chord within me. Relative to my life experiences, I instantly took it as not merely a clever saying, but as a "truth." Invariably, I can say that the way a thing has started in my life, the tone it took from the very beginning, was in deed the way it continued to be as it progressed. And it tended to end the way it began.
And I have learned through brutal trial and error not to ignore any "hunch" I experience, through feelings or through visions, be they pleasant or unsettling. I've made so many mistakes by not listening to my hunches, not paying attention to my feelings and visions. The truth is, if it doesn't feel right to you in the beginning, it probably isn't right for you, whether it's a material thing, a person, a food of some sort, an event, or anything else that requires a decision on your part. Conversely, if it does feel like the right move to make, if it does feel like a healthy, loving direction in which to steer your life, then don't allow your analytical (and usually critical) "monkey mind" to talk you out of it; just go for it!
Often, we allow our chatty left brains to talk us out of what our wise, intuitive right brains are desperately trying to tell us, those sweet little Venus Andrechts sitting upon our shoulders trying to keep us true to ourselves. Speak your truth. Let your life reflect it.
If you start something in a disingenuous way, that tone of deceptiveness will permeate the rest of the entire endeavor or relationship. You learn that this is what not to do, since eventually, someone will find you out and the deceptiveness you brought to the table in the beginning, is the very thing that "does you in" at the end. Or, along the way, you may actually get disgusted with yourself, which would actually be a good thing, a sign that your soul wants to live its truth, not live in lies anymore.
Holidays tend to bring out the best and worst in people, so they're a great chance to observe what to do, and what not to do. For example, one day a week or two before Christmas, this handsome, ostensibly intelligent guy walks into the metaphysical store where I work. He haphazardly stockpiles in his arms yoga- and meditation-related items. Anything we recommended he just picked up. He had no clue. At first, I and the other lady on the sales floor thought he was just an ambitious guy with good intentions, and his enthusiasm seemed, for a brief moment, charming.
But then, something didn't feel right about him. His presence began to feel kind of "seedy" to me and to the other lady, as I later found out when we compared notes. After a while, his true motivations began to slowly unravel. After admitting the items weren't for him, but for a woman he met, he then pulls me aside.
"OK, what do I get to get her, you know...." he mumbles.
"Get her what? Sorry, I'm not following you." By this time, my Creep-o-meter is beeping quite loudly.
"You know, ready ...interested, you know," he says in an undertone I'd expect from someone who's trying to sell me a stolen watch from his trenchcoat.
"So, let me get this straight... you don't really care about any of this, nor the girl you're buying it all for? You're just buying all this stuff so you could sleep with her?" I asked, the fool's gold charm of this guy having well worn off by now, revealing a sleaze bag. He grinned as though he were quite clever. He seemed to expect me to react in a wink-wink fashion, as though I thought he were quite clever, too. I didn't.
I suddenly remembered a time-sensitive email I needed to send, and asked the other lady if she could assist him. In reality, the email probably could have waited a few more minutes, but I was very close to either throwing up, or smacking him, or both. I had flashbacks of similar wolves in sheep's clothing I've dealt with in the past. So I calmly removed myself from the situation.
I had to laugh a little to myself as I imagined Venus Andrecht standing next to me on that sales floor, listening to that guy's foul intentions. I could only imagine her colorful choice of words for this ...person.
Though I work as an intuitive reader, I know there are plenty of things in life that "don't take a psychic to figure out" (that's another one of my favorite sayings). I got the sense this wasn't the first time this guy approached a relationship in this way. He seemed well-versed in duplicity. And it doesn't take a psychic to figure out that once she sees the trail of victims he's likewise duped, this guy will have burned yet another bridge with yet another girl. The way he started this, is the way it will go, and the way it will end. He will probably end up all alone again, and be revisiting this or another store to purchase new "gifts" for his newest target.
From a metaphysical perspective, a guy who has to deceive, in that way especially, is really the victim. He's a good example of someone with a dysfunction within the Throat Chakra. There's an unfortunate perception of himself that he carries in his heart, that these false relationships are the best he can do. He is out of touch with, and therefore unable to express, whom he truly is to the world. One could say that one of his karmic issues in this lifetime is learning to speak his inner truth. Apparently, he first needs to learn the definition of what exactly speaking one's truth is. I got the sense he never learned that. Only then could he next learn how to actually express that truth within his life, let his life reflect it. At present, he hadn't a concept of these things just yet. He seems to have a long way to go ...it may just take him several lifetimes.
With this gentleman, we learn what not to do, how to create a deceptive, lose-lose scenario with someone from the very beginning, how to come from a place of deception. An unfortunate lesson, but a valuable one nonetheless. Hopefully, this girl trusts her intuition, and sees through this guy's pathetic rouse.
But what about what to do? It would have been refreshing, in my opinion, if that guy had some sense of gratitude for himself, for who he really is on the inside, for the gifts he truly brings to the world. It seems to me that he doesn't know who he is, and he doesn't have confidence in himself. It might seem like he does, but really he doesn't. Duplicitous people like that really don't like themselves. He wouldn't know what his inner truth was if it walked up to him and slapped him in the head. His actions told the world one of three things: either, 1. He really doesn't like his core self, or 2. He doesn't even know his core self really, or 3. He has been so steeped in duplicitous behavior modeled by males who've influenced him in the past, that their unscrupulous examples rule his behavior at present. It very likely could be a combination of all three.
For example, in my opinion this gentleman's fear-motivated behavior broadcasts an unfortunate message to his lady friends, and to the world at large, which in my ears sounds something like this:
"I fear that my personal assets, my character, talents, what I generally bring to this world, are just not good enough for me to obtain a meaningful relationship with someone. I fear that if a woman I'm attracted to sees the real me, she won't like that guy. Hell, I don't even like him. In fact, I've actually never even taken any time to get to know him, so I don't expect anyone else to value him, either. I certainly don't.
He has nothing to offer. And, as I have learned from other men who feel the same way about their true selves, I must hide him away by disguising him amongst as many material things as possible.
And I have learned that I must purchase my way into a woman's good graces, and into her pants, if possible. I must buy time, affection and even love. And if I fail, I must try again, because that's just the way it is, and will always be, and I'm worth no more than that."
It seems to me that a self-confident man, at peace with himself, would be inclined to believe that it's better to be alone at present, than in a relationship based not on love, but based on a myriad of fearful untruths. Granted, many women directly or indirectly will state they want men to buy things for them (that's another blog article altogether). But a man must make a determination if that's the kind of tone he wants to go along with in a relationship. He must define whether he wants to be valued in his own right, or valued as a perennial Santa Claus. And he must determine whether it is a loving thing to do to himself to pursue a relationship with a woman who believes he's the latter. What counts is what he believes about himself, and how he acts on those beliefs.
The question is, what is the message that he carries about himself? And what is his Throat Chakra broadcasting to the world in reaction to that message?
Rather than a smack on the head, or a motherly scolding by Venus Andrecht, I think our troubled shopper really needs several months (or years) with an excellent therapist. I think he needs help digging beneath the fearful untruths that seem to dominate his behavior, and beneath which he has apparently buried his soul. He needs help transcending his consciousness to a place of peace and self-love, confidence in relationships with women, with the world in general, and most importantly, with himself.
These exercises may be helpful in bringing some balance to the Throat Chakra:
1. Pursue interests that really reflect who you are, that showcase your true interests and/or feelings to the world. If you know you have a great sense of humor, put together a little routine and perform it "open mike night" at a local coffee shop or club. You may be surprised at the results! Pursue knitting, or take a cooking or other kind of class. Replace any negative voices in your head with loving ones. Reward yourself for taking a chance and doing the the things you enjoy. If you appreciate these things about yourself, you'll find others who do eventually because people are attracted to people at peace with themselves.
2. Try to end all forms of two-facedness you may be exhibiting in your relationships. Start by analyzing all the unspoken and unwritten power contracts between you and every person in your life; every relationship has one. Does something need balancing in some way? Are you manipulating others, or being manipulated by others? As much as possible, endeavor to bring integrity and fairness to all your relationships (and it may be difficult to do this with some employer/employee relationships, since many employers thrive on controlling others, and you may not have the luxury of balancing, or severing that relationship, until you find another job first).
Are you smiling away things that really bother you, then seething and furiously gossiping about it later? That's a passive-aggressive way of handling what's really bothering you. Besides, gossip always comes back around somehow. Deal with it honestly, instead. Either discuss what bothers you, or accept the behavior without dwelling on it and move on, or sever your ties with the parties involved with love, grateful for the lessons you've learned. Do one of the three, and don't keep it pent up inside.
3. Sing, sing and sing some more! Don't worry about whether or not you sound good. This is probably the best, and funnest, Fifth Chakra balancing exercise there is. Singing changes our vibrations greatly. You could go from low to high in a matter of seconds. Sing your favorite songs whenever you find yourself getting too serious. Take up an instrument you used to play, or learn a new one, and accompany yourself. Or sing with friends in a choir or band. The angels love to sing, and will be singing right along with you!
4. Practice saying things you thought were uncomfortable (and therefore unspeakable), yet truthful to your soul. First, practice saying what you need to say in a mirror. Then later run the whole thing by a trusted friend for feedback, before finally saying the thing to the party or parties involved. With love, an open heart, and open ears to hear what others have to say, practice speaking your truth. Whatever the outcome, close the experience with gratitude for the opportunity it afforded you to further evolve and educate your soul in speaking its own truth.
5. Learn to greet each day with a deep sense of gratitude. Incorporate this exercise with "The Ten Good Things" exercise. Practice with positive affirmations every morning. Again, use mirror work with this. Look at your reflection and say ten good things about yourself, and/or about relationships you've had in the past, about the job you're working now or jobs you've worked, etc., and about the ways all these things have made you a wiser, more experienced soul. Exercise your throat, the seat of your Throat Chakra, by actually saying these things out loud. Cultivate gratitude for both the good and the bad.
.
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| An artist's interpretation of Vishuddha chakra. |
But, it struck such a chord within me. Relative to my life experiences, I instantly took it as not merely a clever saying, but as a "truth." Invariably, I can say that the way a thing has started in my life, the tone it took from the very beginning, was in deed the way it continued to be as it progressed. And it tended to end the way it began.
And I have learned through brutal trial and error not to ignore any "hunch" I experience, through feelings or through visions, be they pleasant or unsettling. I've made so many mistakes by not listening to my hunches, not paying attention to my feelings and visions. The truth is, if it doesn't feel right to you in the beginning, it probably isn't right for you, whether it's a material thing, a person, a food of some sort, an event, or anything else that requires a decision on your part. Conversely, if it does feel like the right move to make, if it does feel like a healthy, loving direction in which to steer your life, then don't allow your analytical (and usually critical) "monkey mind" to talk you out of it; just go for it!
Often, we allow our chatty left brains to talk us out of what our wise, intuitive right brains are desperately trying to tell us, those sweet little Venus Andrechts sitting upon our shoulders trying to keep us true to ourselves. Speak your truth. Let your life reflect it.
What Not to Do
Fear is an interesting thing. Our fixation on it causes us to believe in or express untruths sometimes, the reasoning being, "I have to lie about this, because if I don't, I fear that that will happen." But we often learn in the end that in life, you just gotta deal with the consequence of speaking your inner truth. And there usually is a consequence of some sort. But owning up to your truth is part of "being an adult."If you start something in a disingenuous way, that tone of deceptiveness will permeate the rest of the entire endeavor or relationship. You learn that this is what not to do, since eventually, someone will find you out and the deceptiveness you brought to the table in the beginning, is the very thing that "does you in" at the end. Or, along the way, you may actually get disgusted with yourself, which would actually be a good thing, a sign that your soul wants to live its truth, not live in lies anymore.
Holidays tend to bring out the best and worst in people, so they're a great chance to observe what to do, and what not to do. For example, one day a week or two before Christmas, this handsome, ostensibly intelligent guy walks into the metaphysical store where I work. He haphazardly stockpiles in his arms yoga- and meditation-related items. Anything we recommended he just picked up. He had no clue. At first, I and the other lady on the sales floor thought he was just an ambitious guy with good intentions, and his enthusiasm seemed, for a brief moment, charming.
But then, something didn't feel right about him. His presence began to feel kind of "seedy" to me and to the other lady, as I later found out when we compared notes. After a while, his true motivations began to slowly unravel. After admitting the items weren't for him, but for a woman he met, he then pulls me aside. "OK, what do I get to get her, you know...." he mumbles.
"Get her what? Sorry, I'm not following you." By this time, my Creep-o-meter is beeping quite loudly.
"You know, ready ...interested, you know," he says in an undertone I'd expect from someone who's trying to sell me a stolen watch from his trenchcoat.
"So, let me get this straight... you don't really care about any of this, nor the girl you're buying it all for? You're just buying all this stuff so you could sleep with her?" I asked, the fool's gold charm of this guy having well worn off by now, revealing a sleaze bag. He grinned as though he were quite clever. He seemed to expect me to react in a wink-wink fashion, as though I thought he were quite clever, too. I didn't.
I suddenly remembered a time-sensitive email I needed to send, and asked the other lady if she could assist him. In reality, the email probably could have waited a few more minutes, but I was very close to either throwing up, or smacking him, or both. I had flashbacks of similar wolves in sheep's clothing I've dealt with in the past. So I calmly removed myself from the situation.
I had to laugh a little to myself as I imagined Venus Andrecht standing next to me on that sales floor, listening to that guy's foul intentions. I could only imagine her colorful choice of words for this ...person.
Though I work as an intuitive reader, I know there are plenty of things in life that "don't take a psychic to figure out" (that's another one of my favorite sayings). I got the sense this wasn't the first time this guy approached a relationship in this way. He seemed well-versed in duplicity. And it doesn't take a psychic to figure out that once she sees the trail of victims he's likewise duped, this guy will have burned yet another bridge with yet another girl. The way he started this, is the way it will go, and the way it will end. He will probably end up all alone again, and be revisiting this or another store to purchase new "gifts" for his newest target.
From a metaphysical perspective, a guy who has to deceive, in that way especially, is really the victim. He's a good example of someone with a dysfunction within the Throat Chakra. There's an unfortunate perception of himself that he carries in his heart, that these false relationships are the best he can do. He is out of touch with, and therefore unable to express, whom he truly is to the world. One could say that one of his karmic issues in this lifetime is learning to speak his inner truth. Apparently, he first needs to learn the definition of what exactly speaking one's truth is. I got the sense he never learned that. Only then could he next learn how to actually express that truth within his life, let his life reflect it. At present, he hadn't a concept of these things just yet. He seems to have a long way to go ...it may just take him several lifetimes.
What To Do
I think a good rule of thumb to assist us in speaking our truths is to begin and end every experience with gratitude. Gratitude is just magic. Albeit, there are some experiences and people which easily inspire our gratitude. And there are others that make us want to scream, inspiring every other emotion within us (and perhaps, a few curse words) --except gratitude. But even with the worst incidents and people, there's always some wisdom to be learned from them, and therefore an opportunity for gratitude, if only for that fact and nothing else.With this gentleman, we learn what not to do, how to create a deceptive, lose-lose scenario with someone from the very beginning, how to come from a place of deception. An unfortunate lesson, but a valuable one nonetheless. Hopefully, this girl trusts her intuition, and sees through this guy's pathetic rouse.
But what about what to do? It would have been refreshing, in my opinion, if that guy had some sense of gratitude for himself, for who he really is on the inside, for the gifts he truly brings to the world. It seems to me that he doesn't know who he is, and he doesn't have confidence in himself. It might seem like he does, but really he doesn't. Duplicitous people like that really don't like themselves. He wouldn't know what his inner truth was if it walked up to him and slapped him in the head. His actions told the world one of three things: either, 1. He really doesn't like his core self, or 2. He doesn't even know his core self really, or 3. He has been so steeped in duplicitous behavior modeled by males who've influenced him in the past, that their unscrupulous examples rule his behavior at present. It very likely could be a combination of all three.
Balance in the Throat Chakra
These are examples of dynamics in the Throat Chakra. They illustrate how speaking and living one's personal truth works. Someone with a healthy Throat Chakra: 1. listens openly to others, 2. listens to one's own spirit, and 3. expresses one's own spirit and soul to the world in a healthy way. It is like a radio with three "bandwidths," receiving information inwardly, and expressing information outwardly.
It doesn't broadcast on a wavelength of duplicity, neither can it tolerate hearing one for long. The Sanskrit word for the Throat Chakra is vishuddha, which means "purity." When we speak from our truth, from a place of love and respect for ourselves and others, it purifies our spirits. When we lie to ourselves and others, we come from a place of fear which pollutes our spirits, and which in turn has a polluting effect on our environments, as well.
That's because people who lie a lot need to constantly look behind their shoulders, so they generate an atmosphere of fear because they fear being "caught." They often layer one lie on top of another, and another, and another. This guy had that very vibe about him. I doubt he even knows who he really is inside. I could envision him in wonderment asking, "If all my relationships with people aren't just elaborate games to play, then what else could they possibly be?" He had no depth about him, just a superficial, car salesman-like penchant for duplicity.
That's because people who lie a lot need to constantly look behind their shoulders, so they generate an atmosphere of fear because they fear being "caught." They often layer one lie on top of another, and another, and another. This guy had that very vibe about him. I doubt he even knows who he really is inside. I could envision him in wonderment asking, "If all my relationships with people aren't just elaborate games to play, then what else could they possibly be?" He had no depth about him, just a superficial, car salesman-like penchant for duplicity.
The way you act in the small things, is the way you will act in the big things. People who tell the truth quickly become trusted by many people, in the small things, and in the big things. They vibrate an energy of solidity, groundedness, trustworthiness in the atmosphere. They purify the environment, and their words uplift people (even if they are frank and challenging). The truth is always refreshing.
Those with a balanced Throat Chakra also listen to and honor their inner selves. They express who they truly are to the world. They listen to others as well, with an open mind. They are willing to try to look at things in a different way when it comes to themselves, and when it comes to situations and people around them.
Imbalance in the Throat Chakra
You can usually trace imbalance in the Throat Chakra to some sort of untruths that people told themselves about themselves, and about the world. For instance, people might say good things about us, but we don't hear them, so our "receiving bandwidth" is faulty. Or our souls may be talking to us, wanting to bring their own uniqueness to the world. But we stiffle that message and prevent that from happening, dismissing our special gifts as stupid or valueless. This would be the "expressing bandwidths" being faulty.For example, in my opinion this gentleman's fear-motivated behavior broadcasts an unfortunate message to his lady friends, and to the world at large, which in my ears sounds something like this:
"I fear that my personal assets, my character, talents, what I generally bring to this world, are just not good enough for me to obtain a meaningful relationship with someone. I fear that if a woman I'm attracted to sees the real me, she won't like that guy. Hell, I don't even like him. In fact, I've actually never even taken any time to get to know him, so I don't expect anyone else to value him, either. I certainly don't.
He has nothing to offer. And, as I have learned from other men who feel the same way about their true selves, I must hide him away by disguising him amongst as many material things as possible.
And I have learned that I must purchase my way into a woman's good graces, and into her pants, if possible. I must buy time, affection and even love. And if I fail, I must try again, because that's just the way it is, and will always be, and I'm worth no more than that."
It seems to me that a self-confident man, at peace with himself, would be inclined to believe that it's better to be alone at present, than in a relationship based not on love, but based on a myriad of fearful untruths. Granted, many women directly or indirectly will state they want men to buy things for them (that's another blog article altogether). But a man must make a determination if that's the kind of tone he wants to go along with in a relationship. He must define whether he wants to be valued in his own right, or valued as a perennial Santa Claus. And he must determine whether it is a loving thing to do to himself to pursue a relationship with a woman who believes he's the latter. What counts is what he believes about himself, and how he acts on those beliefs.
The question is, what is the message that he carries about himself? And what is his Throat Chakra broadcasting to the world in reaction to that message?
Rather than a smack on the head, or a motherly scolding by Venus Andrecht, I think our troubled shopper really needs several months (or years) with an excellent therapist. I think he needs help digging beneath the fearful untruths that seem to dominate his behavior, and beneath which he has apparently buried his soul. He needs help transcending his consciousness to a place of peace and self-love, confidence in relationships with women, with the world in general, and most importantly, with himself.
Exercises
These exercises may be helpful in bringing some balance to the Throat Chakra:
1. Pursue interests that really reflect who you are, that showcase your true interests and/or feelings to the world. If you know you have a great sense of humor, put together a little routine and perform it "open mike night" at a local coffee shop or club. You may be surprised at the results! Pursue knitting, or take a cooking or other kind of class. Replace any negative voices in your head with loving ones. Reward yourself for taking a chance and doing the the things you enjoy. If you appreciate these things about yourself, you'll find others who do eventually because people are attracted to people at peace with themselves.
2. Try to end all forms of two-facedness you may be exhibiting in your relationships. Start by analyzing all the unspoken and unwritten power contracts between you and every person in your life; every relationship has one. Does something need balancing in some way? Are you manipulating others, or being manipulated by others? As much as possible, endeavor to bring integrity and fairness to all your relationships (and it may be difficult to do this with some employer/employee relationships, since many employers thrive on controlling others, and you may not have the luxury of balancing, or severing that relationship, until you find another job first).
Are you smiling away things that really bother you, then seething and furiously gossiping about it later? That's a passive-aggressive way of handling what's really bothering you. Besides, gossip always comes back around somehow. Deal with it honestly, instead. Either discuss what bothers you, or accept the behavior without dwelling on it and move on, or sever your ties with the parties involved with love, grateful for the lessons you've learned. Do one of the three, and don't keep it pent up inside.
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| Sing any chance you get. |
4. Practice saying things you thought were uncomfortable (and therefore unspeakable), yet truthful to your soul. First, practice saying what you need to say in a mirror. Then later run the whole thing by a trusted friend for feedback, before finally saying the thing to the party or parties involved. With love, an open heart, and open ears to hear what others have to say, practice speaking your truth. Whatever the outcome, close the experience with gratitude for the opportunity it afforded you to further evolve and educate your soul in speaking its own truth.
5. Learn to greet each day with a deep sense of gratitude. Incorporate this exercise with "The Ten Good Things" exercise. Practice with positive affirmations every morning. Again, use mirror work with this. Look at your reflection and say ten good things about yourself, and/or about relationships you've had in the past, about the job you're working now or jobs you've worked, etc., and about the ways all these things have made you a wiser, more experienced soul. Exercise your throat, the seat of your Throat Chakra, by actually saying these things out loud. Cultivate gratitude for both the good and the bad.
.
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