Meditation Retreat Hacks

Cultivating Your Inner Monk
...the Smart Way

          Nothing like focusing your energies at a meditation retreat, whether for one day, one month, or what have you.  It's a great way to recharge your spiritual batteries, no matter how many years you've been meditating.

          I often see tips on the internet for getting the most out of the spiritual aspect of the retreat experience.  But rarely do I see helpful advice for dealing with the more, shall we say, earthy aspects of the experience, simple ways to avoid easily-avoidable inconveniences.  After all, when your body is free of distracting discomforts, your mind is freer to relax and meditate.  So, here are some things that may help you better enjoy your meditation retreat, and to a certain extent, help people around you better enjoy theirs, too.

Manage Your Methane

That pesky methane molecule, 
bane of meditators everywhere!

         Yep, I'm gonna' go there.  [sigh]  OK, I'm glad to finally get this off my chest.  For the past few years, I've been meaning to blog about this issue, but I always forget.  Seriously.  I don't usually beg, but please, if you know need it, for the love of all humanity, pack some Bean-o or other gas relieving product in your suitcase...and remember to use it at the retreat.  There ain't enough Buddha Dharma Love in the world for anyone to have to tolerate your "outs" during their otherwise-blissful meditation sessions.

          You will be eating lots of methane-producing beans (the "magical fruit"), as well as vegetables for the duration of your stay.  Unless your body is already well-acclimated to a vegetarian or vegan diet, and you have learned to artfully master the management of your methane, you need to make plans for this.  If you don't, no matter how meek and nice people seem at these things, inwardly they'll think of you as a thoughtless barbarian when they see you coming.  I can't help but make up names in my mind for such folk and allow myself to laugh under my breath to decompress from my disgust: "Oh boy, there's Freddy Fartsalot,"  "Here comes Silent-But-Deadly Girl --does she really think we don't know it's her?"  I know, I have to work on my sardonicism issues.  But, just...yeah.

          Maybe you didn't already know that most meditation retreats follow the traditional Asian tendency to serve vegetarian food.  Or, maybe you're a retreat veteran and already know this, but you've been forgetting to, um, "prepare" properly in the past.  Either way, consider this a  friendly reminder.

Love Yourself with 
Lower Back Care

          The other issue on my mind is managing insidious lower back pain.  Oh, that all meditation retreats had back massages as part of the program, mmmmm.  Most, however, view bodily pain, unless it's a medical issue, as a dandy time for one to practice one's equanimous-mind-over-matter skills.

          "All painful and pleasurable sensations are 'impermanent,' after all, so just suck it up" is the thinking.  Yeah, whatever.  Call me whacky, but I don't see how self-torture is a necessary ingredient for "enlightenment."  I say, take good care of your back and it will take good care of you.  Here are some things that have worked for me:


Ibuprofen.  Pack a bottle of ibuprofen, and pop a few fifteen minutes or so before every lonnng meditation session.  Take enough to last the entire session because it's toward the last few minutes of the sitting that you'll be in the most excruciating pain.


Hot Showers.  Take a hot shower before the sitting (if possible, around 15 minutes beforehand), turning your back to the showerhead and aiming the hottest water you could stand at your lower back for 5-10 minutes.  If you share shower facilities with several others (who might have the same idea as you do, lol), it may be tricky to swing this, but it's worth a shot.


Heating Pad.  At the last retreat I attended, I was glad to see I wasn't the only one who packed a heating pad.  This one person brought one of those pads that require hot water, so she had to keep heating water in an electronic hot pot.  I knew beforehand that all the beds had electrical outlets next to them, so I had brought an electronic heating pad.  The essential oil she put in the water smelled really good, though.

Meditation Bench.  If you choose to meditate on the floor, you will have to try all manner of cushions and/or benches until you arrive at what works for you.  Personally, I like meditation benches because they lift the body's weight off the legs (no numb "pins and needles legs" afterward).

The rounded bottom design of the bench at right allows one to ever-so-slightly adjust one's angle from time to time, easing tension on the spine and hips (and be sure to buy a bench with some padding on the seat).


Gentle Stretching.  Try to do some stretching before a sitting, and afterward, if possible.  I find that the yoga posture halasana, "the plow," makes more blood circulate in the lower back area, and feels wonderful [caution: I don't suggest doing inversions like this if you have any cardio-vascular or eye  problems, nor immediately after a hot shower even if you don't have any cardio-vascular problems...it may make your chest hurt, or worse].  A low lunge is great counter-pose for the plow (every yoga pose needs a counter pose, to balance the muscles).  The lunge is also a good way to stretch, or "open" the inner hip, which also tenses up from sitting.

Well, hope these suggestions help.  Happy meditating!  :)