The Energy of Relationships: Hold on Loosely!

Relationship Containers

       An astrologer friend of mine, Chris, and I were chatting once and he described relationships as "containers" of energy.  He said the energy of couplehood is like a separate entity, that it has its own life, personality, strong points and weaknesses.  He pointed out we would do well to honor that space, as it's all too easy to take it for granted.  When the newness and intensity starts wearing off, what was once the magic of walking side by side with another soul becomes a prison.

        Coincidentally, sometime before that, I had heard Robert Ohotto, a popular "intuitive astrologer" with an internet podcast show, explaining in one of his shows that the "bottle" of relationship-energy needs to stay "open," that fresh, positive energy needs to freely circulate into and out of it.  This means the parties involved need to feel free to explore their respective souls, free to express and grow their authentic selves.  If not, it's like an energetic stopper is "bottle-necking" the relationship.  At that trajectory, the couple's individual spirits will start suffocating, and they will inadvertently start asphyxiating the little mutual "relationship energy body" they've created together.  Before long, it will just die. 

        Chris and Robert are right.  I remember when I did my first "relationship reading," I discovered that relationship-energy clairvoyantly looks like an altogether separate entity, an independent third party.  It even has its own chakra system!  So, I could psychically read this "relationship energy body" just could read any individual's energy.  Energy dynamics are amazing.

 Dynamics Within the Container

          Now, a couple's "relationship energy body" is composed of all their transactions: the thoughts they think about each other, the words they say to and about each other, their actions toward each other, etc.  This all gets recorded in their energy fields.  Depending on how they treat one another, the couple could stand as a sad, embarrassing reminder to the world of "what not to do," or, like a dynamic duo the couple's collective energy could change the world around them, a "power couple," so to speak.  Regardless of the energy quality, no matter what "front" the couple tries to portray to everyone (and sadly, to themselves), their energy won't lie.  The truth of the quality of their relationship-energy eventually catches up with them, and they will have to deal with that truth.  It will have karmic consequences in the future, and most likely already has in the past.

Case of the Two-headed Monster

        The various dynamics within these containers can be interesting.  For example, individually both parties may have healthy crown chakras, meaning they have good senses of life purpose.  At the same time however, the crown chakra of their collective energy "body," may be quite imbalanced.  In an actual reading once, I saw this very dynamic.  I perceived that the sense of life purpose for one party, didn't jibe with that of the other party.  So logically, the third party they'd created together was a two-headed energy body! (I know, with this job, who needs drugs, right?)  One head was angrily looking in one direction, the other in the opposite direction!  They were not "heading" in the same direction.  Not good.

         Meanwhile, I saw that their sacral chakras harmonized nicely, meaning they agreed about stuff like sex, doing creative projects together --all the fun stuff.  But, they didn't agree about deep, existential ideas, "why we're here."  They were physically compatible, even good friends, but spiritually incompatible.  The woman told me after I shared my observations with her that she "hadn't felt spiritually connected" to her partner in a long time and they both seemed to agree it was time to go their separate ways.  But, they'd had a child together, and that's why she contacted me for a phone reading.  While I don't tell people what they "should" do, I do describe what the energy of their situation looks like to me.  They must decide for themselves what to do from there.

        To be honest, they probably never were spiritually connected, and the sexual excitement of their relationship was a distraction from this.  They were physically intimate but not emotionally intimate --there's a big difference.  They'd been uncomfortable with asking all the hard questions, working out the deep issues, getting emotionally "dirty."  Now, they'd gotten to the point where they had to confront other truths about the energy dynamic between them.  They smelled the coffee and were rudely awaken by it.  So, would they keep things superficial, part ways, and look for new playmates?  Or would they use the opportunity to go deeper, learn what love really means to them, and strengthen the bond between them on a spiritual level?  Who knows.

Give and Take

         Another dynamic I've seen, which is the most prevalent I think, is when one person "carries" the energy of the other in a certain chakra.  This can be a positive thing, or a negative thing.  Either way, it's often the result of a soul contract between the two, carried forward from a past life or lifetimes.  Robert Ohotto actually did a whole podcast show on this topic called, "Who Owns Your Chakras?"  Isn't that an intriguing question?  Who "owns" your chakras, which ones do they own, and why?  This is a good question we all must ask ourselves from time to time. We make power contracts with people that we sometimes don't even realize we've made.

        When a give-and-take dynamic is negative, it means one person is imposing his or her will upon the other, and the other person is slavishly allowing it, knowingly or unknowingly.  I say "unknowingly" because most of the time these inequities and lack of boundaries are learned behaviors from our parents, our peers, the media we watch and other factors in our environments.  We see these dysfunctional dynamics played out in front of us, and their influence is so subtle and subconscious, we never realize we've adopted these behaviors, and we find ourselves making the same mistakes.

        When this dynamic is positive, however, power is equitable, boundaries are respected, no one's imposing one way or the other.   There is a sense the two have agreed on a high spiritual level that the stronger will strengthen the weaker in this lifetime.  There is such a pleasant, loving quality to a relationship like that.  It's inspiring that one person could give so selflessly support the other out of love.  I don't get a chance to see this energy dynamic, because people who call a psychic don't do so when things are going "well" in their relationships.

Power Couples

        Occasionally, I'll see that both persons' chakras are balanced and strong.  I now believe there is truth to the old movie cliche, "We could make beautiful music together" because when a couple resonates this well I can almost "hear" the harmony of their collective energy, as though their chakras were actually singing, creating music  Those are always pleasant readings ...and very rare ones, as we humans tend to choose drama over harmony.  It's rare to see both parties spiritually well-developed in most areas of life, coming together because they have some kind of purpose to fulfill together in this lifetime.  They are in service to to the world, "on a mission."  Most humans are too selfish to exist at that high of a frequency, but it is possible.

        As you can see, the energy dynamic within a "container" can look a myriad of different ways!  You have the power to change that dynamic when it isn't to your liking. 

A Whole Lotta' Space to Breathe In

When no one wants to put the gun 
down, it's time to either call a truce  
to work it out, or call it quits.

        You'd think I'd be so wise in my own life, having seen all this.  But it's so different being on the outside looking in.  Looking back, I wish I would have been able to clearly "read" the energy of my past relationships the way I now literally see the energy of peoples' relationships for whom I read.  I wonder if that would have made me more positive, forgiving and loving.  I now see how important it is to give the person you're involved with a lot of "space," to let the energy container you've created together just "breathe."  I know, easier said than done.

        Sometimes I can see that a couple may only need time apart for a little while, which I find too many couples are unwilling to do for some reason.  They just need some kind of "energy separator" to let their asphyxiating relationship air-out, so it could heal --a little space to breathe in.  It's like when a smoker stops smoking his lungs will automatically start healing, immediately.  He doesn't need to do anything else.  Both our physical and subtle energy bodies have this natural, self-healing ability if we give them space to do it.

        But all too often, a great deal of fear has already engulfed the couple.  Forget about space to breathe in.  No one wants to put the gun down.  They're too obsessed with "being right" or "winning."  They get addicted to the adrenaline of the sport.  They're in it to win it; love is nowhere in the picture.  When things get to this point, every so-called victory is really only one more loss.  It's sad.

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        Giving our loved ones space means letting them pursue what brings them joy and inner growth, as they still respect the boundaries of the relationship.  It may even mean re-examining those boundaries themselves.  Perhaps they need expansion or redefinition.  Perhaps we've subconsciously let certain faulty definitions from our environment seep in and define our relationships for us, and that needs to change.

        Giving loved ones space can mean letting them think thoughts they want think, pursue friendships they want to pursue, and enjoy objects and activities that bring them joy.  It means knowing that while the container may be wide open, and untested energies may be freely circulating into and out of it, there's no reason to worry.  The container itself remains strong if it's built on love and trust.  No sense of "ownership" called for, no tethering necessary. 

        It seems that with love, it's healthiest to just hold on loosely  --but don't let go.

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